Remember why you started

I went to my first yoga class in a long time last week. I had pulled a muscle in my back a while ago pottering about the house, and since then found every excuse not to practice. "I don't have time" (reality: I am not making time), "I'm worried about my back" (reality: yoga is only going to be good for my back if I take it easy), "I'm not in the right mood to go" (reality: not going is part of the reason I'm in that mood)

Ahhh...I'm a yoga teacher! Is it bad I am admitting that I haven't been practising, or wanting to practice? Does it make me a crap teacher? Or does it just make me a human; having highs and lows and sometimes wallowing in the lows, even though I know how to pull myself up, doesn't mean I always want to.

I'm being 'still' I told myself, I'm allowing this wallowing, I am FINE. So what if I'm a bit tetchy, short tempered, a little anxious. But when does stillness become stuckness?

Yoga, therapy and coaching all hold up a mirror to our inner selves, our thoughts and feelings. This can be enlightening, amazing, joyful, all the good stuff.  It can also be frightening, revealing and uncomfortable. Last month I didn't want to look in the mirror, inside me. I instead chose to ignore it and started feeling more anxious, got less sleep, and generally started to feel a bit “meh”.

Then last week when I was away I met a teacher called Maria. She had a Jack Russell too and a big smile. She was friendly and warm, she hugged me when I turned up to the class, late and reluctant. The yoga was slow, and it was hard as I felt weak and stiff. But as I breathed and moved and shaked and laughed and fell over I felt better. I felt more like myself.

Maria, with your slow hatha flows, singing bowl, lavender eye pillows and classes half in English, half in Portuguese, you inspired me. Turns out sometimes, we do need an external catalyst to un-stick us, to move us forwards. I went back to the class the next day, and the next, and the next, until I had to fly home.

And, just like that, I remembered why I started.

Begin Again

Since the start of the year I have been experiencing many new beginnings, and have been helping others start things for the first time too. 

Leaving my beloved Edinburgh behind has been difficult and has forced me to question again which direction I want my life to go in. It has only been two years since I quit my job in finance, packed up my London life and vowed never to live here again. Yet here I am, a new beginning in a familiar place. 

When we stay (metaphorically) in the same place we have our habits and routines - we know what we are doing, it's comfortable. But nothing really grows or changes from there. It takes courage to start something new, and perhaps even more to return to a place or activity that did not work for us the first time round. The comfort zone is called comfortable for a reason; however unhappy or dissatisfied we become with it, it is a known and safe place. "Habits keep you safe, but keep you small" a teacher once told me. 

So how and why do we change these habits and try something new, shake off being small and aim for something bigger? Is it when those niggling discomforts become too loud to ignore any longer...that persistent back ache, that feeling of being stuck, hearing ourselves complaining constantly, those thoughts that keep us awake at night as to whether we are really being the best version of ourselves. 

What we resist, persists. Things may get better for a while, we trundle along, we say ‘I’m fine’ and think ‘things aren't that bad'...but before long we find ourselves back feeling stuck again. 

Choosing to try something new and being a beginner, especially as an adult, can be excruciating. When was the last time you had no idea what you were doing? Felt silly, lost, uncomfortable, shy - out of your comfort zone. Moving this year I have been pushed into beginning again, losing my clients in Edinburgh has been just that - a loss - but also a blessing, as I have had the pleasure of working and engaging with new people ‘beginning’ to be their new selves. Turning up to that first coaching session or yoga class is a real act of courage and I truly respect and admire all the beginners I have worked with for trying something new. 

Getting people onto the mat or into the coaching space for the first time is the hardest part. Once they are there, the practices work. The first session is hard, the second a little easier, the third they are even starting to enjoy it...and by the fourth they are seeing improvements, growth, momentum and realising yes they CAN do it, they can change.

If you're feeling fed up or stuck then I dare you to try something as a beginner. Anything -  take a language class, music lesson, a new exercise class, anything to get out of your comfort zone and grow as a person. Don't allow the excuse of a lack of time or money to stop you from trying, see this as an investment in yourself. 

Find the right teacher through recommendations, look for classes targeting your level, tell people you are doing a new thing to provide accountability, pay upfront for a block to make a commitment or book private classes for more focused attention. If you don't know where to start or what to try, find a coach to remove obstacles and propel you into action. Trying new things is so positive for our mental health - that feeling of learning, progressing and improving, no matter how difficult it is to begin with or how slow the progress. 

So what's really holding you back from starting something new? Beginning again, today, can be the start of the new you. Who knows what it might help you become.